大一假期，我和妈妈碰到我的表舅。我和这位表舅见面次数不多，我们的关系也并不亲近，上次见面还是在我小学。
他看着我，“哎呀，长这么大了，现在是读大学了？放假所以回来了？”
我说是。
然后他笑着对我妈说，那你也快要当外婆了
我当时就震惊到说不出话了。
然后我妈说没有，之后还要读研，至少也得两年。
他笑着说，女孩子要读那么多书干嘛，嫁个好老公才有用，女孩子要嫁的好才有用。
我震惊，我觉得可悲，同时又觉得很“好笑”，我其实一直有在网上看到过这种经典发言，但我活了18年多，一直没有在现实生活中听到过（这种言论出现率很高，只是本人不喜欢和亲戚有过多过密接触，且只是没有听到过这个“经典言论”，歧视女性的相关其他言论听到过）。这是我第一次，my first time，听到这种言论，真正地对着我本人说的。有一种“终于见到了传说中的什么”的感觉。
我本想和他争论一番，私以为，这言论背后反应的思想在极其不尊重女性的同时，也不怎么尊重男性，在同时物化双方。这种语境下的异性恋，两个性别都是很可悲可怜的。女性没有自己的价值，她的价值居然依附于男性，同时男性也成为了作为反映他人价值的工具。不过，在这样一个父权制体系之中，男性压迫女性更多（这是不可否认的事实），男性是享受性别红利的一方，字面上的“工具”二字只是无实际意义的“工具”，却能获得许多具有实际意义的利益，这是为何大多数男性对此无意识或者意识到了也不在意的原因之一。我想对他说，有自己的价值，我不需要依靠所谓的“嫁”来证明我自身价值所在，获取我对自己价值的肯定。
可仔细一想他极大可能性会不理解我在说什么，因为这可是他的“信仰”，信仰的力量是强大的，他怎么会允许我推翻他这可笑的“信仰”呢。极有可能是不欢而散，我妈在其中还要很难做。
另外一件让我印象深刻的。高二参加酒席，被一位较亲密的女性长辈问到学习情况，那次我的月考考的不错，年级排名也让我很满意，我充满喜悦地与那位长辈分享。一个表姨夫听到后，对着我说，“女孩子现在成绩好没有用，反正最后高三都会被男生反超，男孩子后劲足”。
我想大家能理解高中时候得到好成绩的欢喜，听到这句话时，我顿觉好心情消失了。
——毛宇婧
During my freshman break, my mom and I happened to encounter my uncle. I didn't meet this uncle very often, and we weren't close, the last time I saw him was when I was in elementary school.
He looked at me and said "Gee, you've grown up so much, now you're in college? You're on vacation so you're back?"
I said yes.
Then he smiled and said to my mom, "So you're going to be a grandmother!”.
I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything at that time.
Then my mother said no, because I still have to go to graduate school afterwards, and grad school takes at least two years to complete.
He laughed and said, "Why do girls need to study so much? The most useful way for girls is to marry a good husband. Girls have to marry well to be useful.”
I was shocked, and I found it pathetic and "funny” in the meantime. In fact, I've always seen these kinds of typical patriarchal words on the Internet. But I've never heard of it in real life, during the more than 18 years that I have lived. (This kind of statement appears on a high frequency. But since I just don't like to have too much close contact with relatives, I never heard this “typical statement”. But I have heard other kinds of statements related to discrimination against females). This is my first time, my first time, to hear this kind of statement, which really said to me personally, making me feel like I "finally met something ‘legendary’”.
I wanted to argue with him, but I think the idea behind this statement is that it is extremely disrespectful to women and at the same time not very respectful to men, objectifying both sides at the same time. Heterosexuality in this context is sad and pathetic for both genders. The woman has no value of her own, and her value is actually dependent on the male, while the male becomes used as a tool to reflect the value of others. However, in such a patriarchal system, men oppress women more (this is an undeniable fact), and men are the ones who enjoy the gender dividends, literally "tools" in the sense that they have no real meaning, but gain many practical benefits. This is one of the reasons why most men are unaware of this or don't care even if they are aware of it. I wanted to say to him that I have my own value and I don't need to rely on the so-called "marriage" to prove my worth and get my own affirmation of value.
But when you think about it, he will most likely not understand what I'm talking about, because this is his "faith", the power of faith is strong, how he will allow me to overturn his ridiculous "faith" it. It is very likely that it will not be a happy ending and my mother will have a hard time in it.
Another thing that struck me. In my second year of high school, I was asked about my studies by one of my closer female elders. I did well on my monthly exams and was satisfied with my grade ranking. A cousin's aunt heard and said to me, "It's useless for girls to get good grades now, they'll end up being overtaken by boys in their senior year anyway, boys have plenty of backbone".
I think we can understand the joy of getting good grades in high school, and when I heard that, I felt my good mood disappear.
——Mao Yujing
